Diary Entry Motherhood

I Have Lost My Voice

I started the year with a clear head and strong intentions. I had resolutions to live slowly, simply and to refocus my attention on work and being the best mama for Arlo. I had everything in line and ordered in the my head.  I had my camera in one hand and my diary in the other. Photography and writing was all I wanted to do.

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Since then Michael and I have started a small business. We’re still working hard in the little pockets of time that we have free. It’s like a beautiful little budding flower, slowly gaining details and it’s own identity.

I’ve also gone back to work. My day job, and in a sense, the old me. The pre-baby Hannah, my life before Arlo and even before Michael. I was young, ‘free’ and wild back then. My intentions were to have a good time, explore the cities bars and be a little naughty. I haven’t changed from that person, but my heart has doubled in size since then, my head has more honourable intentions to focus on.

In the last week I lost my voice. Literally, I can’t say a word, it just comes out as a whisper. It just so happens I’ve also not taken any photographs. I’ve not written anything down. I’ve done minimal work on our business and I haven’t been an attentive mother for Arlo. It’s a phase, maybe it’s a physical form of writers block… maybe it’s a sign I need to slow down and hold back a little, look at where I am.

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I feel like I’m floating underwater, without an ounce of strength to reach up to the surface. As each day goes by, i’m gasping for more air.  I want to be better, I want to come back and I want to be present again.

So if you’re reading this, wondering where I’ve gone, why I’ve let go of consistency a little… this is where I am. I promise I’ll be back with you soon.

Since January it’s been interesting getting to know the new me, because I’m not denying this is definitely a new stage of my life. I’m not the person I was before, and I’m not the person I was in 2017. I am so much more.

1 comment on “I Have Lost My Voice

  1. Your picture are beautiful as is your mindfulness of being where you are at in your life. I’m excited to read about you and your family’s journey as it assists us in our own.

    Liked by 1 person

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