I started the year with a clear head and strong intentions. I had resolutions to live slowly, simply and to refocus my attention on work and being the best mama for Arlo. I had everything in line and ordered in the my head. I had my camera in one hand and my diary in the other. Photography and writing was all I wanted to do.
Since then Michael and I have started a small business. We’re still working hard in the little pockets of time that we have free. It’s like a beautiful little budding flower, slowly gaining details and it’s own identity.
I’ve also gone back to work. My day job, and in a sense, the old me. The pre-baby Hannah, my life before Arlo and even before Michael. I was young, ‘free’ and wild back then. My intentions were to have a good time, explore the cities bars and be a little naughty. I haven’t changed from that person, but my heart has doubled in size since then, my head has more honourable intentions to focus on.
In the last week I lost my voice. Literally, I can’t say a word, it just comes out as a whisper. It just so happens I’ve also not taken any photographs. I’ve not written anything down. I’ve done minimal work on our business and I haven’t been an attentive mother for Arlo. It’s a phase, maybe it’s a physical form of writers block… maybe it’s a sign I need to slow down and hold back a little, look at where I am.
I feel like I’m floating underwater, without an ounce of strength to reach up to the surface. As each day goes by, i’m gasping for more air. I want to be better, I want to come back and I want to be present again.
So if you’re reading this, wondering where I’ve gone, why I’ve let go of consistency a little… this is where I am. I promise I’ll be back with you soon.
Since January it’s been interesting getting to know the new me, because I’m not denying this is definitely a new stage of my life. I’m not the person I was before, and I’m not the person I was in 2017. I am so much more.