Swimming backstroke

So, I got my eyes tested.

Physically and metaphorically. It’s been a very long time. It turns out I need glasses, that my eyes have been straining and drowning in a constant blur. It turns out looking through some new lenses highlights the world in details I hadn’t seen before or I’d lost, I’d forgotten to notice them anymore.

I’ve been avidly testing out new spectacles and I’ve become rather obsessed. The bigger the better, handmade in tiger wood.

Apart from adorning my face with a new plastic statement, I’ve been busy changing things up. I had a dominos train of problems, each part of my life was knocked down one by one. I’m just starting to pick them back up and put them back in line, again.

Because the end of the world, it means nothing at all. We’ll carry on. 

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And when all I have left is your hand, I am home. We can start over again.

Michael and I are still balancing our lives together under the same roof, two full time careers and a slow business at home too. Our weeks are busy and they’re flying by at super speeds. I’m still passionate about my writing and photography, we’re both reading again, exploring coastlines on the weekend and we’re doing our very best at parenting Arlo, our constant source of sunshine and reason.

I have a new job. I finally reached out, after pushing myself to the limit in my previous role. I’ve managed to leap up to something much more rewarding and expansive than I had imagined before. It has to be my biggest achievement for the year. Now I just need to dive in and enjoy it.

As ever, people have moved on, down their different paths, slowly twisting and turning into the abyss. Some of them harder to watch than others. There is someone prominent who has destroyed a few parts of my life. Tearing through like a reckless tornado, shredding up my heart and dreams in the process – then stranding me totally confused and lost. I’ve been disorientated. I think everyday, with time, I am healing and I feel better. Things are getting better. Slowly.

Dull aching bones and mind numbing heartbreak. It’s repetitive and it’s a roller coaster of emotions that I seem to be stuck on. Hearts, beds, late nights, tears, promises, secrets, hope, rejection and conflicts. There is a story, a Hollywood movie script in the making. I just wish I could see how it finishes, because even the main character doesn’t know yet.