I had a dream, I got everything I wanted

I had a dream, I got everything I wanted

Can you believe it – Fanciful Discords started a decade ago, my public diary and scrapbook of music reviews.

I was living in Cardiff when it all started and I was with someone I honestly thought would be my partner for life, boy I loved him. Really, it was because of him that I started publishing bits of my writing online. Although the stars didn’t quite align straight enough for us to work through the dark times, he lead me through some of the darkest, and the gratitude I have for him is endless. He taught me the intricacies of music and he taught me how to pursue something you want to do, especially if it’s in your heart.

I wanted to start this unconventional online space to write about music. I’d write about the technical details, the theory and sometimes I’d write about how it made me feel. I promised myself I wouldn’t write about things like love, at least I promised myself I wouldn’t write about love if it didn’t exist. So inevitably it turned into an outlet for my emotional torment, a decade of cryptic peepholes into my head.

Looking back, We went through a life cycle of dubstep and metalcore then grime took the limelight. We’ve been spoilt with new artists and material. Most recently, we’ve been introduced to Billie Eilish (Pause : Have you seen her on Carpool Karaoke?! You should check it out), Alex Turner transformed into a greasy sex god, Vampire Weekend had a major comeback, Beyoncé released Lemonade and taught us all the best way to share personal intel with Hold Up and a baseball bat. I went to a reel of gigs and Reading festival a bunch of times.

2020 will reach us soon. It’s the end of another chapter. It’s the season for late night drinks, love and reflection. It’s the annual review and fresh hope to reach new goals. It’s also that strange in-between – from the festivities of Christmas and elusive excitement of a new year. We’re all stuck in a trance, unable to start the race but floating on without any direction.

This year I’ve learnt how to put myself first, how to work hard, how to turn my back on toxic people and that there is so much change with every year that goes by – no matter how unlucky I am, the wheel might spin again and the world will spin madly on.

I lost myself time and time again. In a flash I’d be on the brink of a break down and dancing around the dark side of the moon. It’s not easy to learn how to trust again. It’s not easy to continue pursuing your personal goals, when it feels like everyone’s slamming a door in your face, or pulling you back with strings.

I was broken a year ago and we’re still sticking the scars back together. With every silly little thing that happens, I’m stronger and one step closer to the sun.

But if you focus on motivation and you dig a little deeper to give it all you’ve got, you’ll reach new heights and a little more luck might come your way.

Prince Charming and all the trophies can come into your life in different disguise, slowly then all of a sudden. Just when you think you’ve walked away from the love of your life, you become best friends with a new hope and you learn how to believe in the stars again.

It’s magic, so take a chance and don’t delete the kisses.