One of the goals on my New Years list was to have a go at writing a book.
When I’m faced with another crash dive to dark days, I’m in my most creative state. My mind wonders with mixed emotions to the past, then to the temptations of the future. An ulterior universe where time doesn’t exist, where society doesn’t depend on the rat race to rate their worth and social media perceptions don’t break hearts. It’s a place where boy meets girl and where fate decides the ending.
So I thought I’d make an effort to grab hold of the weird and wonderful stories in my mind and begin scribbling down words, do a bit of practice, I guess. A scrapbook of memories or vision board of the upcoming project, a snippet of my fantasies and a chance to experiment with empathy and intrigue.
“Don’t ever let go, this isn’t pretend.” You manage to say, through the fighting urge to break down your barriers and cry.
She feels vulnerable and exposed, some of the worst feelings in the world. You’ve got her on the outside looking in, but this is exactly where you want her.
Who was that person you kissed by the river? A beautifully intense and crazy soul, she never had enough to give to you. You begin to realise that this is all she ever was before, just a puzzle piece of hope.
Now she stands here in front of you, looking for answers in your dark brown eyes. Like snowflakes on her fingertips, melting away to her dismay. She can’t hold on to you, she can’t hold on to someone who doesn’t want to stay.
She must have faith in you to have come this far. She’s always there waiting at the sidelines, whilst you hold her back from moving forward. You’re not wasting her time, you just haven’t been ready to cross the finish line yet.
One day, not long ago, you woke up to new feelings and intentions. A future together would be technicolour and it looks like a warm blinding sunrise. It’s not just hope anymore, but you’re asking yourself, is it enough to make promises?
As you stand here in front of a new opportunity, you’re beginning to realise the bittersweet truth. If you carry on this way, she’ll be the one who looks away. You could risk losing her forever. You both have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you’re the reason things have to change.
She takes a deep breath and looks up at the sky, as if she’s surrendering to the pain and it’s giving her reason to carry on. She takes your hand and her lips slowly move.
This is it, it’s either hell or the high road to happiness, and it all depends on the words she’s about to say…